i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
They took my balls.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Randomize
