He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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