It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
