Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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