when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
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So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
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How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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