sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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