We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
