ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
