your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
