Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
