and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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