Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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