yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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