I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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