I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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