Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work