walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.