I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit