one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I will be naked everywhere
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
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took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.