just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
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My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober