If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dating After Heartbreak
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love