I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
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