JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
