all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
