so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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