fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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