ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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