Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
