and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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