Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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