I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
