My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
