I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
wanna go halves on a baby?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
