Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
