somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
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We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.