I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom