he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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