I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
