The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
