For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
