nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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