I hate your face
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
