thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
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