your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
