I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
