so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
