Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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