garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
