she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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