in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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