Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There r osticjed everywhere
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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