Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
