I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
