hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
