ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
