I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
birth control should be required to get into college
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
