We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
