he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
