Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
