Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
