i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
