So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
