Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
