That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
