I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize