let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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