so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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