I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
