If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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