Your face is a jimmy john
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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