Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
