So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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