Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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