my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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