She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
