Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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