I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
