i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
