I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
