My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
