On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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